Okay so like ghosts. I believe in them. But what if every time we think a ghost is moving something it’s really just the sims game were in. The people playing is moving our stuff and we think it’s ghost. Our entire life is in the hands of probably a ten year old child. Wtf
No it’s not Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday… It’s How I Met Your Mother, Supernatural, American Horror Story, Greys Anatomy, Friday, Saturday Night Live, The Walking Dead
I’ve been trying to work on myself and become a better person and a person who I like. What I’m aspiring to be isn’t necessarily how everyone sees the perfect person. But I’ve become better at admitting when I’m wrong and have stayed strong in why I believe. I have stood up for myself and others. Ive done wonderful at work and in this new school year. I’m learning to love myself. And it feels great. It takes time and dedication to work on yourself and not give up.
I almost died by an enchilada today.
I don’t like who I am so I’m going to try to change that. It might now go as planned but at least I’m trying. And I don’t need anyone’s criticism about it.
omg I feel like I’m being really weird right now. To late. Past my bedtime.
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
-William Ernest Henley
My AP world exam… I didn’t even finish the multiple choice! How the hell is 54 minutes long enough. I had like five left! THE FUCKING READINGS. Then the DBQ, I thought was pretty easy and did it in 45 minutes. But then I got paranoid and freaked and and was like “what if I actually did really bad and what if I didn’t understand it at all!” Then the CCOT. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT. I completely blanked and if I’m going to be honest. I didn’t write about the right region or time period. I’m so screwed. (Oh like a month ago at my school we got in groups and every group had. A different time period and region and mine was Asia preiod5) so then the COMP was so easy because I already knew it all and threw a shit ton of vocabulary in there and it was my bitch. And then I went back to the CCOT and spent a good twenty minutes writing the whole thing… And softly sobbed when I was done.
I mean we all say that if they loved us they’d would work it out, or if they cared they’d be here with us, or the if they want to talk they’ll text me. But honestly, we’re not working it out either, or showing we care, or texting them first. Who is to say who has to make the first move all of the time in any sort of relationship. And yeah, sometimes we are the ones working it out and caring and texting, but maybe they’re thinking the exact same thing about us and we’re missing a chance to experience greatness we’re just too afraid to take a risk and put ourselves out there. Its happened to me where we didn’t talk for months and when we finally did he called me first like I was waiting for when really I should of called him. And we both felt the same way like we didn’t love each other. I dlon’t really know what the big point in this but I guess its just if you risk it all it might be worth it and don’t let your ego get in the way of you being happy, because that person probably wont be in your life forever.
But the thing is I don’t really put much effort into anything anymore. I try to justify it by saying I care, but that’s not enough. And everyone probably thinks that if I did care enough I would try or fight for them or do something, but I don’t. But i need to try, right?
I think its about time for another breakdown.
I always push everyone away when I start getting close to them or when things start going good. And this time is no different it’s like I hardly have anyone. Ad I don’t even feel like myself anymore, I’m becoming more distant from who I am. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I guess it can only go up from here. “I’m on a roller coaster that only goes up.” - Augustus Waters